I have really been trying to eat better these last two days because i can see in only these last 3 weeks of school it is really effecting my school work. I really want to eat better so i can function better but i feel like such a cow from it and is barely been two days I dont think its going to work.

I hate this it should not be this difficult just to be normal

I guess this f***ing fear is going to triumph over everything as always

ok so im confused and a little nervous Dose sugar free red bull make you gain???

I hope not

Help me out this is really bugging me
Thanx

Iv been out of this for way to long, i have stopped all the horrible things that have kept me away and gotten over it so now i can start over i know i can do it and i need to just reminding myself to stick to it!!!!!

well im am soo fat this must end today! i seriously dont fit in to my jeans...

Really riley, you cant be like this i must stop and get serious.
I was looking at pics of my mom last night and she is so skinny she always has been we look so much alike accept im not as little as she is, however she hardly eats more like never eats.

My new rules:
1. veggies and furit only!!
2. no eating after 7 (ill try for 6)
3. Eat something every 2hrs( like 5 carrots)

Im having panic attacks all the time because of how big i am... this will end NOW!

Its interesting how my boyfriend wont order me something for dinner wont even ask if i want something.
I like it....

*Lose 10Lbs. June 16th

*do 2468 and work out any excess i eat

* eat veggies, fruit in the morning, tofu if a must(@ dinner)
-neg. cal. foods, Broth, crystal light

ok... so i haven't been on in at least 6 months such a bad idea i did fine for a while but when spring session started in school i fucked up got super lazy stoped working out and ate what ever was in frount of me. this wouldn't be like me at all, but unfourtunatly had some substance problumes which made me lazy and crave sugar ahhh.. well i hoped i kicked it and am back to work on my self

oh god ive been so off track lately!!! i havent gained but im still no where near my goal weight. im at 116 last post i was 113 but im pretty sure i was just dehydreated. i really need to just get back on to a serious plan. which would be a better idea bootcamp or 2468? i really need a kick in the ass

so not hade the best week my last post i was so happy i finnally broke my platu and then i dont know what happened, my weight has been so crazy this week so low on thursday then up balk to normal on monday uggg.... and i know i havent been working out and not really thinking about what im eating, so i woke up this morning feeling HUGE weighed myself at work and im way up to my "healthy" weight what the fuck i havent weighed this in months!!!!! i have been fucking crying all morning what the hell i havent been that bad.i feel so horrible.......

current stats
CW:113
GW:109
GW2:100

im so happy ive been stuck at the same fucking weight for soo long and i just weighed my self i lost 3 lbs thank god! now it can start going down again

so i was thinking about my life and realized it was pretty much guaranteed i would have an ED. My mom has a "borderline" eating disorder and has all her life. I am in school to be a personal trainer which you have to look good for nobody wants to be trained by a fat person! i work at a gym now and concil women on weight, loss once again something i cant be fat for.My boyfriend loves little girls( at least he wont make me eat. and to top it all off i live in so-cal every one is gorgeous where i live its like you cant live here and be fat. im not trying to complain about my life at all, i love it, but just think its interesting every aspect of my life (family, school,work, friends,environment)is ED related or is motivation to be small.

so i have been really depressed lately and have decided to start thinking about food and eating differently... not tell my self im soo fat and i cant eat but say im not hungery or im to skinny to eat i think that will help like positive reinfocement
any thoughts?

i woke up this morning feeling discusting!!!!!! usually in the morning i feel ok but i seriously felt like a COW i have been so confused lately i constantly feel fat im convinced im gaining but the scale isnt really changing, whatever im still not even at my first gw 115 and im sopposed to be 109 by now i guess thats why i feel so bad im just not loosing i dont get it thouhg i excercise sooo much. any advice? i hate looking like this i dont see how my boyfriend can fid me attractive acctually im convinced he doesnt and when i say this he says im crazy but hes the one who likes "little" girls AHHH i dont know sorry for the rant

starting bootcamp today just figured out what it was excited!!!! stats 5'4" CW:116 GW:109 i think i will be comfortable there

ok so i am an exercize science major and my health teacher just gave us this class on food and you metabolism and she really scared me about screwing up our metabolism. she is a little ridiculous and old fasion but what she said really scared me does any one know good ways too keep it going?

 i get so confused because my boyfrind will get on my case to eat and be healthy the drop it and the next day it will be like he dosnt even remember. He acts like he want me to eat but i dont belive it. i cant look the way he wants me to if i eat normally. He knows he like really little girls so i think he just says it to cover his ASS

 so my boyfriend thinks he is like the smartest person ever and finnally realized the other day that i hadnt eaten very much and he decides to bring up all this stupid stuff about how thats bad. so he was on my case for like 3 hrs then droped it and now he like dosnt even remember he likes me to do it anyways he just will pretend like he dosent. hes stupid he says he want me to be healthy but i cant look the way he wants me to if i eat regularly. he knows it i think thats why he always frogets about it or dosnt say anything when i dont eat at dinner......Anyways i lost 3%bodyfat!!!!!!

 wow ok so i have had a really hard last couple of days ive been really depressed and its like my boyfried dosnt notice or care and everyone elis notices. i gess its cuz i cant get past 120 and so my motivation is shot i have binged two nights in a row and its horrible i hve to get down lower im like so not comfortable at this weight. and to top it off i saw this pic today online of this girl that my boyfriend cheated on me with like over a year age and she really shouldnt bother me anymore but she is like sitck skinny!!!!!!! she is seriously TINY and my boyfriends really into little girls i unfortunatly recently gained because i was studing out of the country. so im like huge and do not look like the type of girl he likes i so upset right now! i know i can loose it wont be hard to get back to what i was but i just didnt need to be reminded of that horrible event and the i really didnt need to see how good she looked. AHHHHH!!!!!